It
by Belisse
Summary: There's a weird creature in the woods. SGAHC challenge.


**Title: It**

**Season: 2**

**Pairing: None**

**Genre: Humor/Weirdness**

**Summary: There's a weird creature in the woods.**

**Disclaimer: Atlantis, as much as I'd like to is not mine, this is just for fun.**

**A/N: Answer to two challenges at SGAHC. The first one was start a fic with, "They have strong teeth you know, duct tape wouldn't work." And having the following line on a fic. "I knew I should've been a gynecologist!" Just as a warning, I've done some random stuff, but I think this tops random and borders on insane. I hope someone likes it.**

**Enjoy!**

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**It**

"They have strong teeth you know, duct tape wouldn't work." Rodney shouted at John

John stared back at Rodney as he started to pace back and forth. "Then what should we do?"

Rodney threw the duct tape at John almost hitting him on the head, "How the hell should I know?"

John stared at their problem and back at Rodney, "Then what should we do, we can't keep him here."

Rodney crossed his arms around his chest, "And we can't take him with us! He's biting!"

John was now exasperated, "Don't you think I know that!"

They both now stared at their problem, it was a screw up and they knew it. But how the hell they were supposed to know that such things existed.

John started to walk towards it. "Elizabeth is going to be so mad if we don't take him to the city. You know how important this is..."

It was Rodney's time to look defeated, "I knew I should've been a gynecologist! I just knew it! I should have listened to my dad.. and maybe I wouldn't right here dealing with a..."

John cut him off, "Rodney, come in here. We have to do something."

Rodney slowly made his way towards John, "Then what do you propose we do, even though he can't move. We can't get near him, 15 minutes ago he tried to bite my leg off."

John rolled his eyes, "And you survived. Maybe we should call Ronon... he may be able to deal with him."

"He may just chop the thing's head instead of stunning him."

John seemed deep in thought when he replied, "Yes, but maybe he has never seen a Schizophrenic Wraith."

Rodney tilted his head to the side, "You have a point there. But, why, please tell me why, from all the Wraith in this galaxy we have to get the biter. He's not even trying to suck the life out of us."

John moved in further towards the captured Wraith, "Just make the call."

Rodney backed away and clicked on his radio, then once he talked to Ronon and knew that help was on the way, he walked towards the Wraith and John. Who were now having a "I'll enjoy killing you" talk.

John was shaking his head, he could believe that five minutes ago this Wraith was behaving like a wild animal. Now he was in deep conversation with himself. "Yes, I will taste their audacity, their defiance. And they will be just for me, no sharing with anyone, anyone. Maybe after that I will tell the others how I got two 'Lantians just for me. They will envy me... and even try to kill me. But I do not care..."

John turned towards Rodney. "Is Ronon on the way?"

"Yes."

Without warning, the Wraith's behavior changed so drastically, he looked afraid and disorientated, "What is going on? Who are you?"

John frowned and turned to look straight at the Wraith in the ground, "We are men from far away... who are you?"

Then the Wraith's face lit up like the face of a little kid, "Ooooo, from far away.. can I go there?"

Rodney opened his eyes wide, seeing a Wraith was creepy but seeing a Wraith act this way it was terrifying. Then Rodney jumped when he felt someone by his side, gasping for breath, he turned and faced Ronon.

The man had the weirdest look on his face once he noticed the Wraith on the floor. Ronon had his weapon at the ready, but he couldn't keep staring at the creature. "What is going on here?"

John turned to answer but the Wraith answered first, "We're having a conversation. Are you from far away too. Could you tell them to let me go with you?"

Ronon's eyebrows couldn't furrow any closer. "That is the most disturbing thing I have ever seen."

John smiled. "You should have seen him earlier, he was biting Rodney. with his mouth."

The Wraith seemed immobile for a moment then he began snarling and caught up Ronon's boot. Ronon tried to shake him off, but the Wraith kept on biting. Until John kicked him and the creature released Ronon.

The three men were just dumbfounded, something weird just made them stare at the creature as it split from it's different personalities.

Ronon aimed his gun, "Is better if we kill him."

Rodney glanced from Ronon to John, "Then what should we tell Elizabeth?"

John did some quick thinking, "There was an accident on the way to the gate and we had no choice... it was biting your leg!"

The three men nodded in agreement, and Ronon killed the Wraith. Once dead, they quietly made their way towards the Stargate. All three knew that they will never see the Wraith the same way. As they knew that even a powerful race has it's screw ups, only that this race, the screw up was worse than those normal.

There was only one thing for certain, they all will spend at least a week having nightmares with the Schizophrenic Wraith.


End file.
